This article was written by Torn Dexterity, a guest author. For more information on how you could write for ONMix, click here.
I despise platformers. There's nothing quite as infuriating as traversing the trickiest surfaces, leaping over the most evil potholes and dodging/killing the toughest enemies only to misjudge one jump and have to return to the beginning of it all. It's not fun, it's annoying, and many a time I have slammed the controller down, screamed at the screen and punched every solid thing around me because I'd had enough of yet another platformer.
Bayonetta embodies everything that makes Japanese Video Games distinctive and exciting; i.e. it’s completely insane. Not like Devil May Cry, where you can wipe out a hoard of 30 or so enemies in a matter of seconds; or the God of War type insane where little old Kratos can kill a titan 1,000,000, times his size; nor is it like Ninja Gaiden, where enemies smuggle bin bags of blood packs under their clothing, no, Bayonetta isn’t any of these because it is infact all of them rolled into one big package, with a porn magazine and the lyrical content of a Lady GaGa album added for good measure.
I've always wanted to travel the world. Walk the Great Wall of China, visit the Sydney Opera House... Heck, one day I'd love to bungee jump at Niagara Falls, just for the hell of it. I wouldn't say that I was an extremely adventurous type, just that I'd love to witness the beauty of the world.
It's for this reason that Adventure games like Uncharted (PS3) and Tomb Raider (Playstation, Xbox) have always held a special place in my heart. Here I am, an ordinary guy, living a pretty mundane life, who can be transported into beautiful tropical landscapes, whilst sitting on a sofa, drinking a glass of coke and generally trying to unwind after a long day.
One night in August 2006, 360 and PC were lying in bed together. It had been a one night thing; both were expecting to return to their regular routine the next day. PC rolled over in bed and sighed: the sex had been quick and dispassionate. She looked out of the window as the rain lashed down on the glass. In another circumstance, it might have been romantic, to be cuddling a partner to stay warm, and whisper sweet nothings till the morning came. A lightning bolt arched across the sky. Then 360 farted and PC was lifted out of her fantasy. She sighed again, and punched her pillow, weakly. She would have happily gone to sleep, but something was nagging at the back of her mind. She imagined it intoned in the gravely voice of her mother. “Sheila…did you use protection?” Of course she had: she hadn’t disabled her anti-virus in around 3 years, her virus definitions were fully up to date, and her firewall was up. She’d been careful!
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